It happens more than anyone likes to admit.
When we lose a spouse to death, within a few weeks/months, we realize that we’ve lost all of their people, too.
Friends and family who were all there for us through the initial shock, have had to – or in most cases, were relieved to – return to their own lives. Among the living.
As time passes, those connections grow more and more faint, and we find ourselves facing two options: get used to living life alone, or find new people.
So much of finding new people is terrifying!
There’s the old saying, to have a friend, you first have to be a friend.
But at this stage of the game, we’re often at a complete loss as to who we are, what we bring to the table, what we have to offer any new relationship. Romantic, platonic, familial. Doesn’t matter.
How are we supposed to find people we like if we have no idea what we like???
Start with one thing.
Something new.
Something you’ve never done before.
Something you’ve always wanted to try.
Something you did before your lost relationship ever started.
Some of us might even consider something that we’d wanted to do with our late spouse.
Doesn’t really matter what this is. Just pick something.
Start hiking with the dog. Start some guitar lessons. Volunteer at a food bank.
Just pick something that is new to you. Where you’re unlikely to run into people who know you’re a widow.
This is key. This is the first step in discovering a new you.
For me, it was pottery.
I was doing the endless scroll through Facebook and hit an ad for a pottery studio about 45 minutes from my house. Again, being the introvert I am, I did extensive research on the place – how to drive there, where to park, where the bathrooms were, read their reviews.
Checked out local restaurants and grocery stores. (If I was going to leave the house, I might as well make it as convenient as possible for myself.)
And I went.
(There’s a very long and entertaining story here that I’m going to leave for another time.)
The point is, this is where I met four of the most incredible friends I have ever had in my life.
Four women who have lived life’s challenges – so very different from my own – just as I had.
Four women who listened to my stories, offered advice and suggestions, and who have been by my side, encouraging me to heal.
Four women who never met my husband, never feel sorry for me, and never let me wallow in my own self-pity for too long.
If I hadn’t decided to try a pottery class, out of the blue, just for fun that day, I don’t know where I’d be now.
In the end, I had to let go of the people whose paths diverged from mine when my husband died. I had to accept that they weren’t my people anymore.
And when I discovered my new people – the people who are mine and mine alone, who get me, and who accept me exactly as I am – my new life truly started. I’m not alone anymore.
Nothing in widowhood is easy. Nothing.
But there are some things we can do to make things not quite so hard.
There is a path to the other side of grief. Here at DragonflyYOU, our focus is on helping you find your path.
Dragonfly You 
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