Widows need support. They need to know we care. That we’re here for them.
Right?
Well, no. Not quite.
If you have these wonderfully big-hearted compassionate loved ones in your life, great! But if you need them to take a step back, feel free to share this letter with them.
Dear Favourite Person Of Mine:
I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but widows, especially new widows, need time and space alone to be able to sort through thoughts and feelings that don’t make any sense.
The first days, even weeks are a blur. There’s so much to do, and so many people. They bring so much food!
But there comes point when I just want to take a stand and tell everyone to get the hell out!!
I need you to listen.
It’s not that I don’t love you, or need you, or want your support.
I need some privacy to cry. To scream. To fall on the floor and throw things and threaten the heavens and wish it was me who’d died.
Without anyone perpetually asking if I’m okay.
Without anyone trying to help.
Without anyone suggesting medical intervention.
I know you think that it’s okay for me to cry in front of you, you’re here for me.
But I’m not comfortable with that.
(I’m getting frustrated at this point…)
Please. I’m asking you to give me space, because that’s what I need right now.
Check in by phone or text a few times a day.
But give me my privacy.
This grief is new to me and I need to figure out how I’m going to deal with it. Being alone with this sudden darkness is my first step toward creating a new and independent life alone. There will plenty of times down the road where I’ll be begging for help with whatever tasks are cursing me in the moment.
But my own feelings, my own grief, my own healing – none of this is something well-meaning supporters can help me with.
Trust me. Keep in touch. Be available when I’m ready to ask for help.
I love you.
Dragonfly You 
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