I live a very stress-free life.
I avoid news, social media that covers the news or anyone's opinion of it, world problems, strangers' struggles, social rants, and anything else that is bigger than me.
I've been accused of sticking my head in the sand and not caring.
And to that I say, 'Yeah. So?'
What's wrong with ignoring the world?
What's wrong with going through day to day pretending that everything is perfectly fine?
Sure, I'm fucking lucky. There's really no other way to say that. I live in a country, in a part of that country, where the weather is still bloody predictable, resources are plentiful, violence is at an incredible minimum, nature is close at hand, and peace is built into the landscape. I have my health. I have family and friends. I can support myself. The abundance is fantastic.
And I am regularly and frequently moved to tears with Overwhelming Gratitude for my fortunate circumstances.
(My thoughts on all of that another time. It's a chicken/egg thing: does abundance make me positive, or does my positive make me abundant? Thoughts for another post.)
For now, the caveat to my point today is, yes I'm lucky. Yes I know it. And yes, I am grateful.
But yes, I also largely ignore the plight of the world and most of the people in it.
Oh no, Alex. What a shit person you are. Uncaring, naive, heartless!
However...
Hear me out.
I refuse to stress about things over which I have no control.
Read that again.
My worrying and fretting about something that happens on the other side of the planet actually hurts me.
Here's an example.
A few weeks ago, I overheard a piece of a conversation that mentioned trouble in Israel.
My first reaction was that there has been unrest in that region my whole life. But this seemed to carry a note of - more.
So I checked with two of what I consider to be reputable online news sources. I read two articles. I got a gist of what was happening. I understand the basic background of the matter.
Then I ask myself 4 critical questions:
- Does this affect me personally?
- Does this affect anyone I know and care about?
- Can I fix the situation?
- Can I help?
In this case, I answered with four solid NO's.
The fact is that there is absolutely nothing I can do, say, or otherwise to change or improve the circumstances for people in Israel.
I pause for a moment and feel compassion for their dire straits, but that is where I stop.
Because if I dwell on the problem, for more than a moment, my mind starts to fill in the gaps. I start to imagine how they must feel, and what is actually happening to them. Then I see the threat that says that could happen here. Then I start to worry about my kids, my family, my friends.
And then I start to suspect people and situations around me. My fear begins to take over. I avoid certain places and events. I start making different decisions about what and where and when. I even start to make fear-based decisions on my spending, and future plans.
And NONE of this is in my best interest!!!!
I cannot base my actions, feelings, decisions on something that still has absolutely NOTHING to do with me.
Ah, but Alex, the thing is, this could grow into something that does have something to do with you!
Then I will worry about that when - or more likely, if - that happens. I will not live my life in fear of the unknown.
But you have to prepare!!
And what, exactly, are you doing to prepare? Are you building a bunker, stocking up, prepping? Arming yourself?
Well, no, but..
No, you think you're preparing yourself mentally. But there is no amount of preparing yourself for a horrible outcome that makes that horrible outcome any easier to bear. This I know for a fact.
I know that there is nothing I can do.
Therefore, I will simply do my best to make my corner of the world a safer, happier, more solid place to be. This I can do.
So when I run into Eva in our group the other day, after not having seen her for about a year, and she grabs me and hugs me so tight, I realize suddenly that, now, yes, I do know someone who is affected by the turmoil in Israel. She has family and friends there. I feel her terror as I feel her grip around my shoulders.
I hug her back. I wait until she lets go. I listen.
And when she is mostly spent, I do my very best to help distract her from her fear. I try to make conversation and support her as we spend the morning together. At some point, I hear her laugh. It's working.
When we part to go home, her fear returns. Mine is gone.
And yes, I am grateful. But somehow I know that if I can still sense her fear, I have to make her sense my joy.
So I go about my days making an extra effort to spread compassion, and understanding, and joy.
I try to make my little corner of the world better and stronger, because on some level, maybe the Eva's of the world will feel it. And maybe that will help.
It's all I have.
And I believe that it is enough.
